Revenge on Golden Ears

Shakily leaning on the steep slope on the snow, 10 feet below the rim I needed to scramble onto, I was caught on a bad spot where it was all rock icy and I couldn’t kick in any steps to balance my body. Exhausted, I was on the verge of surrender. I tried to backdown the slope a bit to find a way around that vicinity, but I slipped. Gravity picked up the speed instantaneously, and I wasn’t able to stop at the rock I planned to. Instead, I hit the rock too fast and it threw me out for another 30-50 feet slide, leaving a nasty bruise on my back. Fortunately, I wasn’t hurt. Unfortunately, I had to give up my first summit assault on Golden Ears, and the weather turned ugly the next morning, so no second attempt was made before retreating down from the mountain.

That was more than two months ago. The feeling of a “loser” haunted me ever since: I was defeated by the mountain and there was a better route to lead up to the top which I didn’t use. It bugged me every day. I couldn’t get over the bug and wait until next year. I needed a closure. The past weekend, I set my feet on that trail again, with a lingering cough from the cold. Only one goal in my mind this time: the top. After setting up my tent on the Panorama Ridge beside the Emergency Shelter, I realized I would have the mountain for myself the entire night. Then, I began my second summit assault on this beautiful creature. With much less snow and almost none as obstacle, it was much easier; until I reached to a point where I realized there could be better route again: I was literally rock climbing and it got steeper and steeper. Without ropes and anyone close to me, I started feeling scared. Last time I fell, I had the snow as a cushion; this time if I did, I would be flying down to hard rocks -- no lucky break could save me from a bad injury, if not worse. I had to conquer my fear, but by no means of risking my life. Understanding the situation to the fullest with clear judgement was pivotal at that split second: I did not want to give up, but that was not the trail to continue following because with another two or three steps gambling, I would have no way back. I found a spot to relax my body and regroup, then back down a few feet to find the right path. About 20 minutes later, I was on top of Golden Ears, enjoying the view, the relief, and more importantly, the bittersweet revenge. It was the best reward to have nobody but the mountains with me that night. You say “Hello”, they reply with “Hello”; you say “Good morning”, they reply with “Good morning”; you say “I love this”, they say “I love this”. Listening to your singing echoing endlessly around the mountains far and far away was an amazing feeling. Waking up into the sunrise behind the Cascade was incredible.

Now, I no longer have the “failed” marked on my head and I can enjoy that beautiful memory forever. What’s more, I understood why people say in most critical moments for us human beings, it is more psychological than physical that cause negative outcomes. I learned more about that line between conquering fears and losing mind. THANKS NATURE!